It’s been a while since I wrote and that’s mostly because of all that’s been happening in my life, and now in the world.
2019 was a year filled with unexpected (some expected) and planned changes. At times it felt like it was too much happening too fast and I wasn’t ready. I felt like I was sitting in the backseat of a car driving fast down the highway, changing and swerving in and out of lanes, without a driver. It was a year that taught me to let go and trust my higher power, and as I look back now, I realized that 2019 wasn’t just a year of changes but a year of preparation.
It was preparing me for what was to come in 2020, the year of the pandemic. March 2020 had us all quarantined due to the COVID-19 virus that spread quickly throughout our country. Now we are at home, with ourselves and some with family, since schools are also closed, and depending heavily on technology to connect with one another. Spending 24 hours with yourself with little to no interaction with others, provides you time for lots of reflection, and can be uncomfortable and a real struggle for some. Being in isolation can weigh heavily on a person. There are others that are home with their families and are getting engaged, some are getting married, but there are some that realized even though they love the person they’re with, they don’t really like them. We are all going through something during these times, and one thing I know for sure is that this pandemic has provided space for people to show their true selves. They are no longer able to wear the mask (not N95) they used to wear and continue pretending. We are experiencing people in their raw form. Seeing all for who they are.
The worst part of 2020 is the countless videos of innocent black people being killed by police. Videos of protesters, protesting peacefully, being pepper sprayed, shoved and hit by police. A time when people in the black community are dying from this virus due to lack of healthcare resources available to the community, and being murdered by police, it’s all so much that I felt numb and paralyzed with grief and sadness. It brought back the many times in which I experienced racism through my life, the comments that are made, being followed in stores, my bags being search because I looked “suspicious,” them finding nothing and being angry that I didn’t prove them right, and so much more. Things that I thought I got over, all cam back because the reality of it is I never got over it. How can I get over it when I’m still being discriminated against and labeled in the workplace? Enough is enough and I’m praying for Peaceful change, [police reform and true equality.
Today a friend reminded me that I need to disconnect and start seeking joy throughout the day. I remembered that I love colorful flowers, and I need to get more flowers for the house. I also started to knit and crochet again. The crafts bring me peace, it is a form of meditation for me and I am starting to find my center again through prayer. I’m also starting to write on my blog again, even if no one reads it. This is my therapy during these times. I hope you are taking time to seek joy throughout your day.
Always believe that something wonderful is going to happen